NaPoWriMo - day #1

 Hello and welcome to the first day of my first attempt at NaPoWriMo (or, National Poetry Writing Month) here on Hazy Heat. Because I am a newbie and bad at reading directions, I didn't realize each day you can, if you want, write off a prompt. There are tons of interesting ones out there and I think using prompts is a really fantastic writing discipline. That being said, today is not a prompt day, and this is just about some shit going on in my head. I hope you enjoy, thank you for being here, sending love to all. 

I wish I could tell your mom about the flags on the highway
with a permanent home above that bridge on I-88.
My Toyota dashboard coated in sticky sun as I pass Six Flags Great America,
the only reason I knew this town existed before you came and went.
I've never told a soul that I believe you wave those white flags for me.

As I drive I make believe that I am going to that house,
her house that was once your house, I know that address by heart.
I ring the doorbell and cry into her arms, a selfish offering in the form
of a well-intentioned plea for forgiveness-by-proxy. 

I wish I could tell her that you could only ever find my outlines.
But you'd reach out each time and feel me, your hands smash through me,
dig around inside me. Your gelatin girl. I told you to 
go fuck yourself, like, indefinitely and that is what you did. 
Another selfish hope - please tell me this was not my fault. 

But what good would it do to tell her now,
to admit how hard it was to stand in front of you
and feel you look right through me?
Neither she nor I could understand
until there was nothing left of you at all.