landscapes, real time-love

So much of my identity is made up of layers upon layers built around the small, scared, uncared for child I was. I've done my best (although not consistently) to ensure that these layers are made up of healed wounds instead of bitter hardness. But like any human, I can lose control of the landscape and let the bad slip through. The small child who will lash out in fear or exhaustion still has enough strength in her bones to rise in the face of difficult moments. I work hard to learn myself fully, but sometimes, even when I don't realize it, old feelings still arrive off-guard. Like a recovered memory living in anciently deep trenches of my soul. I have hurt almost every person I truly love at least once in my life. Deep, betraying, arguably unforgivable kinds of hurts. But true remorse and earnest effort can be met with true forgiveness. I have learned the meaning of grace through real-time love far better than I could through any god.