HAZY HEAT

I took a trip to Lake Michigan a few months back with two of my very best and oldest friends. I was lucky enough to figure out long time ago (through less-than-lucky circumstances) that we have the power to choose our family. We can create what is real and lasting in our own lives. And we can create a real home, a home we may not have elsewhere, in the people who show up for us and love us for who we really are, without the need for armor or deep compromise of self. Those people who lift us up and challenge us and remind us that it’s great to be alive, even when it isn’t.   Decades of friendships means decades of adventures. I have hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of us all, hidden in corners of old shoe boxes and hard drives filled to their maximum capacities. These photos will go down as some of my favorites. Looking at these moments, I can see us in all our stages. Rambunctious and confident kids, hilarious yet miserable teenagers, young adults trying to figure our shit...

 Today is the anniversary of my dad's death. In preparation for this day, I have spent a lot of time googling what the best term is to actually refer to an anniversary of this type. "Death Anniversary" is my default but it still feels a bit oxymoronic to me. "Death Day" feels too casual, but does sound very metal and would probably make my dad chuckle. It also evokes some Harry Potter vibes, which could be an homage to my sister. "Remembrance Day" is widely praised as most appropriate on the internet. It makes me think of acknowledging fallen veterans or national tragedies at a picnic on a too-hot day. I suppose as we are all debatably a nation of self, this could work.  Those of the Christian faith also use "Heavenly Birthday", but even the strong faith my dad held is not enough to make me use that one.  Though I don't know what to call this day, it is here. It showed up like it does every year and will every year for the rest of my life...

amidst the beginnings of a springtime, in both the season and my life.    

 

some of the first photos in our new place, early-mid february. I am slowly climbing out of my depression cave, waving hello to the world, prudent and full of love as I scale the ladder upward. more to come here soon. sending love to all.        ☼