stories without names // the super moon

 Today is the anniversary of my dad's death. In preparation for this day, I have spent a lot of time googling what the best term is to actually refer to an anniversary of this type. "Death Anniversary" is my default but it still feels a bit oxymoronic to me. "Death Day" feels too casual, but does sound very metal and would probably make my dad chuckle. It also evokes some Harry Potter vibes, which could be an homage to my sister. "Remembrance Day" is widely praised as most appropriate on the internet. It makes me think of acknowledging fallen veterans or national tragedies at a picnic on a too-hot day. I suppose as we are all debatably a nation of self, this could work.  Those of the Christian faith also use "Heavenly Birthday", but even the strong faith my dad held is not enough to make me use that one. 

Though I don't know what to call this day, it is here. It showed up like it does every year and will every year for the rest of my life. It arrived namelessly but still very much exists, like most things born into this world. 

Last night was a full moon, a Pink Super Moon in Scorpio. The first super moon of 2021. "Pink" being a symbol for spring, renewal and rebirth, and the Super Moon status acknowledging the increase in the moon's size due to the closeness of the planets. My partner is a Scorpio (along with many of my close friends) and the moon in this position is thought to bring upon intense emotion. It is meant to be a time to lay it all out for the lunar world, to begin manifesting what you want and letting go of what you do not. A full moon, specifically, is seen as a time to celebrate how far you have come and all the things you have built as well - the "fullness" of your life at that given moment. When I was young and my father and I would go long stretches without seeing each other, he would point to the moon and remind that wherever we were, no matter how far apart, I could look at the moon and know he was looking at the very same one. In that way, we were always together. Always connected, even if only by a slim celestial string.

Part of me wants to chalk these things up to coincidence today, but I can't. Or maybe I just won't. It is most often through these coincidences, through metaphors and serendipitous moments, that I find meaning in the world. It is part of why I love to read and write, as did my father. He read everything under the sun with a specific penchant for fantasy and sci-fi novels (I am so grateful to have inherited his copy of The Hobbit, as we would spend many hours reading the stories and watching the movies of Tolkien.) Stories help us find meaning in our lives. They capture the nuances and collective experiences of being human that show themselves in these coincidences time and time again. These coincidences, in turn, give me the tools to write today's story in the way that I need. It is a day for remembering my dad, for celebrating the ways I know he would be proud of me. Celebrating the goodness of him that still lives on in me. Maybe taking a deeper look at the parts of him within me that are not so good. On this day of the Super Moon, the Pink Moon, the Day My Dad Died, I feel the renewal. I can tell stories and know they will be heard, even if I do not tell them out loud. I can lay it all out. The moon is large and listening. No matter where my dad and I were on earth, we looked at the moon and knew we had each other. I still look and know he is there too.

I did not come on expecting to write this much, but that's the beauty of Hazy Heat. It always leads me to the places I didn't know I needed to visit, to words I didn’t always know I had. What I did come on here to do is post the video below. My dad was a drummer to his core, and a few years ago my mom somehow stumbled on this gem of a music video from the 80's featuring that features him. It warms my heart and cracks me up at the same time. He played a lot of music in his time on earth; this is just one of the many moments. I'm so happy that it exists. 

If you are still reading this, thank you. I hope you found something you needed in this, or that you're also open to receiving what today has to offer, lunar or otherwise. If anything, I hope you get a kick out of this hilariously tacky music video. Sending love to all.