orange you glad?

I'm working through the 6+ months of backlogged film that's been living in my desk drawer. When I let film sit this long, once the roll is developed it's like I am looking in on a world that existed so fleetingly that I am far past being able to ever process or understand it wholly. So much has happened since these were taken, around early September of 2021, but it also feels like they were taken yesterday.

I do not check in on myself; I do not give myself space to feel more than I have to. I haven't journaled routinely in almost a year. But how do these feelings pass the time while I ignore them? They become stones in my soul. A fog and a further distance from myself. Sometimes I look at myself and only see wasted moments and blurry years. But there are more photos to share and poems to write and feelings to feel. So, once again and one million times over, I decide to begin.