HAZY HEAT

This life is the mouth if a whale, trap feeding from below Bringing in everything it can get, no surrounding is safe.  I am inside a ginormous open jaw I am confined by something so much bigger than myself. An enclosure so large I can hardly recognize its existence. I cannot see it from my place within the water though I feel it all around me. The view opens wide from above but I have no way to reach that place. I have no way to rise. Ten more seconds and I would have missed my chance to hug you Ten seconds less and the speeding car may have missed you. There is no sense, no formula for fairness There are greens and golds of summer and thunderstorm nightmares. Pain radiates heavy, so vast it brings my heart out of my chest.  Trap feeding, mouth open wide,  I tread lightly and move quickly and I am drowning all at once. Is that love, is that God? Is that what dooms us all? Moments are only moments, they’re either lucky or they’re not.

True summer has begun. Trees are billowing large and green, the afternoons are growing almost too hot to bear, and time feels as though it's being stretched and consumed like taffy. These photos are from around this time in 2020; when I first picked up the roll, I realized someone had forgotten to provide the digital copies along with the physical ones (we were in a pandemic... who can blame them.) I use the digital copies for my editing, so I was disappointed to think that I would not be able do my usual dance or have the ability to post them. The thought of going back to request digital copies crossed my mind but pandemic brain prevailed. So, they sat on my shelf until a few weeks ago when Katie told me she had access to a scanner at work. I immediately thought of these photos, asked her to scan them, and had them within a day. Between the scanning and reformatting, the quality of the pictures look nothing like the originals. But quality is a funny word. The "quality" o...

I watch humanity do exactly what it is supposed to do. A million little blips, each person their own universe. Gentle movements all around like a pulse, a reminder that the world is still alive. I am still alive. A couple walks by, looking ordinary and joyful. The man fixes the knot at the neck of his wife's swimsuit top as they pass. Taking a few extra seconds, he makes sure it looks perfect. He tugs at the bow loops tenderly and pulls and tightens the strings until they are an even length. This extra attentiveness is done without ask or acknowledgement, tying the perfect bow not for her eyes but for her heart. Neither of them has stopped walking, their conversation uninterrupted.  Two teenagers are holding hands for what is very obviously their first time. Quietly the energy moves between them; neither one is particularly loud or overtly affectionate. They weave between families on their blankets and sunbathers on their chairs, eyes to the ground. A lack of emoting due to att...

 a few (more) of my favorite things. pink super moon in scorpio, 4/26/21